Egypt: Luxor Valley of the Kings (17 December 2020)

The alarm goes off at an unearthly hour. I drag myself down to breakfast and Winter Garden truly delivers in this regard. Ordering potato, beans and sausage from the menu brings 7 mashed potatoes, 3 tins of beans and 5 sausages. Probably too much food, delightful nonetheless:

I meet Ali outside the hotel in his usual spot for hassling tourists. To the West Bank we go, taking in the Valley of the Kings, Funerary Temple of Hatshepsut, Ramesseum (Mortuary Temple of Ramses II), Medinet Habu (Temple of Ramses III) and the Colossi of Memnon.

On the way Ali mentions that he lives on the West Bank with his family. I ask him what they do. His father sides are sailors and his mother's side are stone makers - at this point I already know I'm getting dumped at an alabaster factory at some point during the day. Egyptian touts are always out for your money.

Stop number one is the Valley of the Kings where, for a period of nearly 500 years from the 16th to 11th century BC, rock-cut tombs were excavated for the pharaohs and powerful nobles of the New Kingdom. Yet again we pull up to an empty car park, with only two other tourists in sight in the whole complex. Another blessing to have such a great sight practically to myself.

Your entry ticket gets you access to three tombs - these are changed on a rotational basis. You also have the option to purchase tickets to additional tombs: Tutankhamun's Tomb (250 EGP), Ramses VI (100 EGP) and Seti I (1000EGP - a mind blowing £50!). I went for Tutankhamun and Ramses. As I'm buying my ticket I ask the ticket man which tombs are the best and he provides his opinion. I hand over my cash and I receive my cash back. 'Something for me, I help you out'. The classic Egyptian line. I begrudgingly hand over 50p to get moving.

A silly electric trolley awaits to take you up the slight incline to the start of the tombs. 'Mr, come and sit in the front, VIP seat'. The trolley driver then attempts to sell some sub-par maps and photos - I flat out refuse his offers. After three minutes of slow moving, I am free to explore.

Tomb of Rameses IV

This was a spectacular start and an eye opener for the rest of the day. Each tomb has a chap sitting outside, some sort of tomb guardian, who collects tickets and in my case follows me around for a tip. This may sound annoying, but to my advantage these tomb guardians turned out to be my personal photographers and allowed me to jump over a few barriers. It also avoids some of anti-photography rules that I had read about.

What surprised me was how deep the tomb was. It seemed to continue underground for a short eternity. Secondly was how vivid the artwork and hieroglyphics still are - the colours you see are 4,000 years old and have not been restored.

The vast sarcophagus awaiting at the depths of the tomb.  

The tomb guardian of course asked for Baksheesh. 10EGP sufficed for this tomb. A personal photographer but no added extras.

Tomb of Merenptah

Possibly my favourite tomb. This tomb was 160m in length! The walk back to the exit was somewhat taxing given the depth and elevation. Truly astonishing that this was all possible thousands of years ago.

In this tomb, the tomb guardian really took it upon himself to earn his baksheesh. We jumped over barriers and even ended up standing inside the pharaonic sarcophagus - something I'm sure is relatively frowned upon. At this point the tomb guardian asked for baksheesh and we had an argument over a fair tip whilst both in the sarcophagus - the spiralling photo summing up both our emotions.

Tomb of Rameses III:

Getting all tombed out at this point. My final tomb included in the ticket price was that of Ramses VI, 96m underground. This tomb had plastic screens along the tomb walls, showing its popularity amongst the tourists. This somewhat took away from the experience.

This time we had a chance to do even more exploring. The tomb guardian told me to hop a barrier and talk a walk to an unlit part of the tomb, currently under going further excavation. This was actually pretty terrifying - trampling through an ancient tomb in the pitch black. The Mummy's Curse flying around my brain:

This tomb guardian really earned his Baksheesh - 20 EGP went his way. As I was leaving and taking a few more photos, two other tourists entered. I was annoyed at their presence - that's how blessed I was during my trip, the mere presence of two other tourists was annoying. These two did not get the full 'climb over a barrier and go explore' experience.

Tomb of Rameses V & VI

My first additional tomb was that of Rameses V & VI, and amongst the most impressive of the tombs.

There was only a small amount of barrier jumping in this tomb. The tomb guardian receiving a cool 20EGP -  at this point I was losing the will to argue.

Tomb of Tutankhamun 

This was my first additional tomb, and as I had read, one of the more disappointing tombs. It was very small and far less decorative due to the sudden death of the boy king. It is however, the most significant tomb in the Valley of the Kings, being the only fully in-tact pharaonic tomb ever found.

The man himself:

Another tomb guardian and another opportunity to jump a barrier

As the tomb was so small, there was only a limited amount of exploring to do. Unsurprisingly, this tomb came with two tomb guardians - double the hassle. They earned themselves 20EGP...to share. Despite their protestations, they did not do enough to earn any more.

With the Valley of the Kings complete, I jumped back on the trolley down the gentle slope and again the driver tried to sell me some sub-par maps. At the exit of every tourist attraction you have to run a gauntlet through a market of traders selling their crappy ware, clearly starved for sales over the pandemic period. Back at Ali's taxi, who is fast asleep, I wake him up and we head to the next stop.

Funerary Temple of Hatshepsut

The next stop was the Funerary Temple of Hatshepsut. The temple consists of three layered terraces reaching 29.5 metres tall, carved directly into the cliff face. With adjacent trees, which were quite frankly the most disappointing trees I've ever seen. 

This temple was actually slightly busy - with a couple of small bus loads of Egyptians tourists. One bus containing (I think) a very large family, with the many children sharing one camera and perfecting their snaps for the Gram. Cue the numerous selfies and posed photos for prosperity's sake. I do wonder where these photos end up.

One lady, wearing a hijab and a bright yellow fur parka, even in the 30degree midday sun, took a keen interest in me and even gave me a gift if a faience coloured necklace. I can only assume it was a pre-wedding gift. Having local Egyptian friends meant I was hassled far less by the tomb guardians - with my new friends telling the guardians where to go. I have my new wife to thank for the photo below:

After another couple of marriage offers, to sisters of random Egyptians (and one Egyptian asking me if I had a sister he could marry), I departed the spectacular temple. These small interactions with normal Egyptians restored by faith in Egyptian people. I was now able to divide Egyptian touts, always after your money, and everyday Egyptian people - who were lovely.

Medinet Habu (Temple of Ramses III) 

The vast Mortuary Temple of Ramesses III was again eerily quiet, except the the usual tomb guardian and armed guards. I shoed the tomb guardian away but encountered a new foe. An English speaking armed guard. Conversation was jovial at first but then he asked if I had a wife and then a boyfriend. He was fixated on the boyfriend aspect, and I'm pretty sure I was being hit on by a creepy Egyptian guy with a gun. The temple itself was very pleasant though.

Ramesseum (Mortuary Temple of Ramses II)

This temple was totally deserted except for a German lady wearing a burqa, escorted by a young Egyptian guide/toy boy. She excitedly explained a good photo opportunity to me which involved her young Egyptian guide/toy boy scaring the birds so as they fly overhead. Disappointing photo op.

The temple is famous for its fallen Ozymandias colossus.

 THE ALABASTER FACTORY!

As predicted, we ended up stopping for a 'free mint tea'. Which then drifted into the story about Ali's family being stone workers. Which ended in a free tour of Alabaster construction. 

In the 'no-hassle shop', I scoped out a pot that I wanted to buy. He opened with a price of around $100, I enjoyed ridiculing the offer and playing hard ball to eventually leave with the pot for $2.

Colossi of Memnon

The final stop was the Colossi of Memno - two large sculptures of Amenhotep III, both of which had seen better days. 

A tourist bus turned up as I was leaving and a parade of selfie sticks, ill-fitting shorts and awkward posed photos descended on my trip for the first time. Having the sights to myself definitely made the trip 100 times better. Thanks Covid.

Finall, I made it back to the Winter Palace and had a superb club sandwich and a Fanta, perfect for a day of 30 degree heat and tombs.

Planning my journey to Aswan tomorrow, I decided to message Ali who said he could drive me there. I was feeling generous so heard him out, 'pay whatever you want'. So I speak to Ali and tell him I would pay the same as I did today - around $30. At this moment he turns on the scam, and tries to claim it wold cost double that one way - which was a big fat lie. I was so disappointed with Ali that I didn't even negotiate with him and just left him sitting alone in his taxi. Point reinforced - any Egyptian taxi tout is only out for your money.

Reinforcing the hassle factor of Luxor. In the evening I crossed the road and was hassled by around five people in the five minutes it took to take one photo.

In the evening i went in search of Luxor's only Indian restaurant to no avail, and had to unfortunately settle for pizza. The walk back along the promenade via all the touts would not have been worth it.