Egypt: Flying Home (24 December 2020)

 The final morning in Egypt. I was up early to have a final breakfast, with the memories of Mohamed Ahmed's foul and falafel fresh in my mind, I head to Oldish to hopefully repeat the experience.

I take the 10 minute walk, dodging traffic and death at every junction. Oldish was open, one of the few Cairo breakfast places open before 9am. I order the Oldish Breakfast with omelette, foul, falafel, orange juice, bread, salad and a soft cheese concoction.

The service was the most Egyptian in my short time here, and typically the one time I had to be in a rush in order to catch my plane. After 40 minutes my omelette appeared - a world record for the cooking of an omelette surely. The breakfast was sustenance, over the flavour of Mohamed Ahmed's foul and falafel. 

After a quick scurry back to the hotel, and the 47th body scan and search in the 24 last 24 hours. I quickly pack and order an Uber for a bargain price of 130 EGP (£6.50) - unfortunately I had to forgo Hamdy's offer of 150EGP, even though it was probably the best taxi offer I would find.

My Uber driver extoled the virtues of Dahab and Sharm during the 30 minutes journey. Driving no handed and excitedly flicking through videos of his recent visits. I had to endure 3/4 minutes videos of my man dancing on the Sharm beaches whilst dodging Cairo motorway traffic. Sharm did look fun to be fair to him.

My driver dropped me at terminal 2, I walked in and immediately had a sinking feeling when the London flight was not shown on the departure boards. Had it been cancelled? Had the borders with the UK closed? I should probably have checked before leaving the hotel, but alas, it was just a case of being dropped at the wrong terminal. A five minute walk later and I was at terminal 3, going through the copious security and eventually dropping my bag via an erroneous journey through domestic travel security.

A handful of people were waiting for the London flight, the cleaners and airport staff easily outnumbering the outbound passengers. The same seven Christmas songs were on repeat adding to the dystopian charm of the empty airport.

I boarded the almost empty plane and set off back to the UK, not knowing what would greet me. Everyone I spoke to in the last few days commented about the reported Covid issues in the UK - back to the eye of the storm. Until next time.

Egypt: Cairo (23 December 2020)

Another early start and a quick stroll to the Brazilian coffee store which is inexplicably closed at 8am. Clearly there's no early morning urgency for caffeine in Alexandria. Instead it's a quick pack and an Uber to the railway station.

The walk to the station entrance is currently a building site for what looks like a far grander avenue leading to the station entrance. Until then, it's a walk in the sand and mud. I navigate through the rush hour crowds, presumably arriving from Cairo and the surrounding cities for a days work in Alexandria.

    

The ticket office hidden away in an non-descript alcove half way along the platform. One first class ticket purchased to Cairo for the sum of 130EGP (£6.50). I instantly regret my decision when I take my seat, just in front of a rotund Egyptian man who chose to snore/scream for the majority of the journey. 

The hunger pangs begun on the train, but i couldn't take myself to buying one of the dry and bland looking train breakfasts. I decided to power on through and promised myself a Koshari in Cairo.

At Cairo there was no instant taxi touts jumping on tourists disembarking the train - always a good sign. I decided in my mind that I would be willing to pay 50EGP for the trip to the hotel, which is probably double what a local would pay. The first chap offered 50EGP on the spot. After minimal sleep, i was happy to take this and avoid arguing over the sake of 50p. 

We set off and hit the morning Cairo traffic. 3 minutes in, my driver did something to offend at least 9 Egyptian micro bus drivers. I've no idea what this was, but there was a solid screaming match for around five minutes. Arabic is an aggressive sounding language at the best of times, but eventually one man was dragged away and my driver reversed a metre and apparently resolved the crisis.

At the Steigenberger the high level of security was immediately noticeable compared to my previous hostel in the city. Just one narrow entrance, and two body scanners and two body searched to obtain entry into the hotel.

I dropped my bag and immediately headed to Abou Tarek for a final Koshari. Even with no breakfast it was a struggle to finish, but this triple carb meal would set me up for the day.

The next challenge was my return to Khan al-Khalili. On my first day in Cairo I attempted this market but had to turn back due to the sheer chaos, jowl to jowl shopping and the conspicuous coughing at every turn. This time, I had an Uber drop me at the tourist side of the market instead of having to walk through the vast and immensely busy sections of the local market.

This time was far more successful. Haggled away to buy the obligatory bust of Tutankhamun, generally wandered through the many back streets and had a delightful yet overpriced mint tea.

Fully exhausted from the constant walking, which is confirmed by many of the Egyptians telling me to smile as they harassed me to buy some of their garbage perfume oil, I braved the clogged motorway in search of a taxi.

A nice old chap called Hamdy picked me up and offered a very reasonable 30EGP to take me back to the hotel. It only took a few pleasantries before the cross selling occurred - firstly a very corny Nile cruise as evidenced by the WhatsApp PowerPoint I was obliged to view. Second was the trip to the airport for the following day. Hamdy offered 150EGP, which i thought was a great price until I checked Uber - not a tourist price, but definitely not a local price.

From the hotel and straight to Gad for a Shawarma. Back to the hotel for a swim, and an unexpected telling off for swimming after the pool had 'closed'. To cap my last full day in Cairo I took a final walk along the Nile and eventually to Kazaz - the shawarma place that I wanted to visit on the my first day, but I thought I couldn't due to the busyness and the lack of Arabic. This time around I left with chicken Shawarma in hand. 

With the Khan al-Khalili and Kazaz demons banished, I was able to sleep peacefully before my scheduled return to London the following day - on Christmas eve.

Egypt: Aswan Abu Simbel (19 December 2020)

The dreaded 3.30am wake up. The hotel owner had turned my breakfast into a packed lunch, which was a nice surprise and we headed across the Nile to the mainland on the owner's boat...or one of many that he commandeered. 

The owner spoke little English so I did not know any details of what this trip would entail. I was joined by a Chinese couple, and a small Egyptian family. The four hour drive south near to the Sudanese border flew by, mainly because I was unconscious for most of it. Somewhere along the four hour drive, can't tell you much about it:

Abu Simbel was probably the most anticipated sight of my trip. Not only was it an ancient feat of engineering, built around 1264BC, but also of modern engineering. The entire complex was relocated in 1968 during the construction of the Aswan High Dam to move it above water and to save it from being washed away forever. The site was cut into large blocks, dismantled, moved and reassembled 65m higher then previously.

Yet again we arrived at a totally empty customer car park. At some point in the journey a tour guide had joined us - great, I thought. It turns out that this tour guide was booked by the Chinese couple - brilliant. After paying for my ticket, I found out that it included a free tour guide. At first I refused the guide, but after a little while thought why not, especially as it was free (except for the ubiquitous baksheesh).

The four hour journey was definitely worth it:

The sheer size of the temple was something to behold. To build this with modern techniques would be incredible, but to build this 3000 years ago is unthinkable. The inside was equally spectacular. 

The Great Temple as it is called is dedicated to the King Ramesses II, alongside the Gods; Amun, Ra-Horakhty, and Ptah. Incredibly the temple was built to illuminate the sculptures on the back wall of the temple on 22nd February and 22nd October every year - the dates of the King's birthday and coronation. Whilst at the same time ensuring that the god connected with the realm of the dead (far lef), remained in darkness:

After some time in the temple, without the guide as they are not allowed inside. We headed over to the small temple of the Goddess Hathor and Ramesses II's chief consort Nefertari:

My tour guide turned into my personal photographer, which was worth paying that Baksheesh for:

The four ride back to Aswan was much of the same as the first one - sleeping.

Back at Aswan, I decided to go bouji for dinner. The Old Cataract Hotel is around £200 per night for a room and had a couple of restaurants, one which required a jacket and shirt (no chance) and another more casual. At the entrance I had to pay £20 to receive a voucher which let me into the ground that I could put towards food and drink.

Of course, I had to start with an Old Fashioned which border on prices north of what I'd pay in London:

Whilst eating my three course dinner, I was reading up on Covid developments back home. The UK was going into lockdown #2, which led to making the decision to extend my trip. I booked a new flight departing on Christmas Eve which gave me 3/4 more days of Egypt - this turn out to be a wise choice as Christmas was more or less cancelled. 

Egypt: Luxor to Aswan (18 December 2020)

With Ali's ridiculous price of $120+ for the ride to Aswan, I instead set off early to Luxor train station. A first class AC train costing 120 EGP (the equivalent to £6).

I walked along the main streets to the station and managed to bypass all touts - maybe they don't start until gone 8am? The train was surprisingly on time and the train of very good standards. I had read so many differing reviews of trains; on lateness and poor quality - I don't know what everyone was moaning about. 

Arriving at Aswan felt like arriving at Baghdad. Zero touts (thank God), but the train arrived in the middle of prayer. Instead of the Azan, there were multiple tannoys broadcasting aggressive (though must Arabic sounds aggressive) preaching from the nearby mosques. The exit to the station was rammed with locals, changing trains and heading off into Aswan. 

I walked down a side street, must reminiscent of a building site - scaffolding above me and sand below me. A child asked me for money, 'emshi' (go away). I head straight which takes me to the Nile and my accommodation was in the middle of the Nile, on Elephantine Island. 'Maps.Me' told me that there were two Nile crossings - my first attempt go me rebuffed trying to board the private Movenpick ferry. Sweaty from carrying my big bag, I made the walk to the next pier - locals helpfully told me to look out the for the KFC. I pass 4/5 touts on the 20 minute walk, all hawking boat rides along the Nile for no doubt exorbitant prices. 

I finally find the pier and await the local ferry. 5EGP (25p) to make the crossing. This is the tourist price, locals pay about 1EGP for the ride. 

A short 2 minute ride and I'm on Elephantine Island. A small Nubian village, which was a far cry from the Winter Palace in Luxor. From $100 a night to $10 a night. Walking through the maze of dirt paths, past goats and children I find the Mango Guest House:

For $10 it was perfect. Hopefully they will get enough guests to complete the building of the 3rd and 4th floors. For lunch I headed to Nubian Dreams, that was conveniently located overlooking the ferry pier. The food was expensive by Egyptian standards, but was super tasty and filling. This became my usual spot for the next couple of days:

With some time on my hands, I head across the islands to the Elephantine 'pyramid' and local museum and ruins. On the way through an old Nubian man stopped me in my track, I thought he may just want a chat but of course he had something to sell. He owned a café above his house and he seemed like a nice chap, so I said I would pop in for a drink after the pyramid. Coincidentally, right before the museum, the old chap's son was hanging around and I spoke to him for a while and took his number about a potential boat ride.

I'd just come from the Valley of the Kings, so was unable to enjoy the Elephantine 'island'. The museum was tiny and the ruins were just ruins. If you'd have only seen Elephantine Island, they may have been more spectacular but I was well and truly tombed out. 

The elevation of the ruins did at least provide some views of Aswan:

I left the ruins and straight away recognised a face at the exit, waiting. The old Nubian chap. He saw me and made a bee-line, he must have not had customers for quite some time. I was happy to have a sit down and a drink. He took me into his house, his boys were chilling and one of them showed me a small, live crocodile stuck in a bucket. I was led upstairs to a crappy 'Nubian museum', basically just this old chap's hoard of things he hasn't thrown away in his lifetime. Unimpressed, I asked for a mint tea...50EGP. This was the straw that broke the camel's back - this should cost about 5EGP. I told him no, and walked down the stairs and out of his front door. He tried to pursue me, by my normal walking pace was no match for this old man's legs. Victory was mine. 

For dinner I went to a different restaurant come shisha lounge. The food was ok, there was Egyptian football and the loudest Egyptian music on some knock off speakers. It looked like they were expecting a biggun on Elephantine, but instead there was just a small group of 10 of us in there. I didn't stay much longer after eating and headed back to the Mango Hostel. 

I had spoken to the owner earlier about organising a trip to Abu Simbel in the morning - some 4 hours drive away. Booked with ease, the only issue was the 4am leaving time.

Egypt: Luxor Valley of the Kings (17 December 2020)

The alarm goes off at an unearthly hour. I drag myself down to breakfast and Winter Garden truly delivers in this regard. Ordering potato, beans and sausage from the menu brings 7 mashed potatoes, 3 tins of beans and 5 sausages. Probably too much food, delightful nonetheless:

I meet Ali outside the hotel in his usual spot for hassling tourists. To the West Bank we go, taking in the Valley of the Kings, Funerary Temple of Hatshepsut, Ramesseum (Mortuary Temple of Ramses II), Medinet Habu (Temple of Ramses III) and the Colossi of Memnon.

On the way Ali mentions that he lives on the West Bank with his family. I ask him what they do. His father sides are sailors and his mother's side are stone makers - at this point I already know I'm getting dumped at an alabaster factory at some point during the day. Egyptian touts are always out for your money.

Stop number one is the Valley of the Kings where, for a period of nearly 500 years from the 16th to 11th century BC, rock-cut tombs were excavated for the pharaohs and powerful nobles of the New Kingdom. Yet again we pull up to an empty car park, with only two other tourists in sight in the whole complex. Another blessing to have such a great sight practically to myself.

Your entry ticket gets you access to three tombs - these are changed on a rotational basis. You also have the option to purchase tickets to additional tombs: Tutankhamun's Tomb (250 EGP), Ramses VI (100 EGP) and Seti I (1000EGP - a mind blowing £50!). I went for Tutankhamun and Ramses. As I'm buying my ticket I ask the ticket man which tombs are the best and he provides his opinion. I hand over my cash and I receive my cash back. 'Something for me, I help you out'. The classic Egyptian line. I begrudgingly hand over 50p to get moving.

A silly electric trolley awaits to take you up the slight incline to the start of the tombs. 'Mr, come and sit in the front, VIP seat'. The trolley driver then attempts to sell some sub-par maps and photos - I flat out refuse his offers. After three minutes of slow moving, I am free to explore.

Tomb of Rameses IV

This was a spectacular start and an eye opener for the rest of the day. Each tomb has a chap sitting outside, some sort of tomb guardian, who collects tickets and in my case follows me around for a tip. This may sound annoying, but to my advantage these tomb guardians turned out to be my personal photographers and allowed me to jump over a few barriers. It also avoids some of anti-photography rules that I had read about.

What surprised me was how deep the tomb was. It seemed to continue underground for a short eternity. Secondly was how vivid the artwork and hieroglyphics still are - the colours you see are 4,000 years old and have not been restored.

The vast sarcophagus awaiting at the depths of the tomb.  

The tomb guardian of course asked for Baksheesh. 10EGP sufficed for this tomb. A personal photographer but no added extras.

Tomb of Merenptah

Possibly my favourite tomb. This tomb was 160m in length! The walk back to the exit was somewhat taxing given the depth and elevation. Truly astonishing that this was all possible thousands of years ago.

In this tomb, the tomb guardian really took it upon himself to earn his baksheesh. We jumped over barriers and even ended up standing inside the pharaonic sarcophagus - something I'm sure is relatively frowned upon. At this point the tomb guardian asked for baksheesh and we had an argument over a fair tip whilst both in the sarcophagus - the spiralling photo summing up both our emotions.

Tomb of Rameses III:

Getting all tombed out at this point. My final tomb included in the ticket price was that of Ramses VI, 96m underground. This tomb had plastic screens along the tomb walls, showing its popularity amongst the tourists. This somewhat took away from the experience.

This time we had a chance to do even more exploring. The tomb guardian told me to hop a barrier and talk a walk to an unlit part of the tomb, currently under going further excavation. This was actually pretty terrifying - trampling through an ancient tomb in the pitch black. The Mummy's Curse flying around my brain:

This tomb guardian really earned his Baksheesh - 20 EGP went his way. As I was leaving and taking a few more photos, two other tourists entered. I was annoyed at their presence - that's how blessed I was during my trip, the mere presence of two other tourists was annoying. These two did not get the full 'climb over a barrier and go explore' experience.

Tomb of Rameses V & VI

My first additional tomb was that of Rameses V & VI, and amongst the most impressive of the tombs.

There was only a small amount of barrier jumping in this tomb. The tomb guardian receiving a cool 20EGP -  at this point I was losing the will to argue.

Tomb of Tutankhamun 

This was my first additional tomb, and as I had read, one of the more disappointing tombs. It was very small and far less decorative due to the sudden death of the boy king. It is however, the most significant tomb in the Valley of the Kings, being the only fully in-tact pharaonic tomb ever found.

The man himself:

Another tomb guardian and another opportunity to jump a barrier

As the tomb was so small, there was only a limited amount of exploring to do. Unsurprisingly, this tomb came with two tomb guardians - double the hassle. They earned themselves 20EGP...to share. Despite their protestations, they did not do enough to earn any more.

With the Valley of the Kings complete, I jumped back on the trolley down the gentle slope and again the driver tried to sell me some sub-par maps. At the exit of every tourist attraction you have to run a gauntlet through a market of traders selling their crappy ware, clearly starved for sales over the pandemic period. Back at Ali's taxi, who is fast asleep, I wake him up and we head to the next stop.

Funerary Temple of Hatshepsut

The next stop was the Funerary Temple of Hatshepsut. The temple consists of three layered terraces reaching 29.5 metres tall, carved directly into the cliff face. With adjacent trees, which were quite frankly the most disappointing trees I've ever seen. 

This temple was actually slightly busy - with a couple of small bus loads of Egyptians tourists. One bus containing (I think) a very large family, with the many children sharing one camera and perfecting their snaps for the Gram. Cue the numerous selfies and posed photos for prosperity's sake. I do wonder where these photos end up.

One lady, wearing a hijab and a bright yellow fur parka, even in the 30degree midday sun, took a keen interest in me and even gave me a gift if a faience coloured necklace. I can only assume it was a pre-wedding gift. Having local Egyptian friends meant I was hassled far less by the tomb guardians - with my new friends telling the guardians where to go. I have my new wife to thank for the photo below:

After another couple of marriage offers, to sisters of random Egyptians (and one Egyptian asking me if I had a sister he could marry), I departed the spectacular temple. These small interactions with normal Egyptians restored by faith in Egyptian people. I was now able to divide Egyptian touts, always after your money, and everyday Egyptian people - who were lovely.

Medinet Habu (Temple of Ramses III) 

The vast Mortuary Temple of Ramesses III was again eerily quiet, except the the usual tomb guardian and armed guards. I shoed the tomb guardian away but encountered a new foe. An English speaking armed guard. Conversation was jovial at first but then he asked if I had a wife and then a boyfriend. He was fixated on the boyfriend aspect, and I'm pretty sure I was being hit on by a creepy Egyptian guy with a gun. The temple itself was very pleasant though.

Ramesseum (Mortuary Temple of Ramses II)

This temple was totally deserted except for a German lady wearing a burqa, escorted by a young Egyptian guide/toy boy. She excitedly explained a good photo opportunity to me which involved her young Egyptian guide/toy boy scaring the birds so as they fly overhead. Disappointing photo op.

The temple is famous for its fallen Ozymandias colossus.

 THE ALABASTER FACTORY!

As predicted, we ended up stopping for a 'free mint tea'. Which then drifted into the story about Ali's family being stone workers. Which ended in a free tour of Alabaster construction. 

In the 'no-hassle shop', I scoped out a pot that I wanted to buy. He opened with a price of around $100, I enjoyed ridiculing the offer and playing hard ball to eventually leave with the pot for $2.

Colossi of Memnon

The final stop was the Colossi of Memno - two large sculptures of Amenhotep III, both of which had seen better days. 

A tourist bus turned up as I was leaving and a parade of selfie sticks, ill-fitting shorts and awkward posed photos descended on my trip for the first time. Having the sights to myself definitely made the trip 100 times better. Thanks Covid.

Finall, I made it back to the Winter Palace and had a superb club sandwich and a Fanta, perfect for a day of 30 degree heat and tombs.

Planning my journey to Aswan tomorrow, I decided to message Ali who said he could drive me there. I was feeling generous so heard him out, 'pay whatever you want'. So I speak to Ali and tell him I would pay the same as I did today - around $30. At this moment he turns on the scam, and tries to claim it wold cost double that one way - which was a big fat lie. I was so disappointed with Ali that I didn't even negotiate with him and just left him sitting alone in his taxi. Point reinforced - any Egyptian taxi tout is only out for your money.

Reinforcing the hassle factor of Luxor. In the evening I crossed the road and was hassled by around five people in the five minutes it took to take one photo.

In the evening i went in search of Luxor's only Indian restaurant to no avail, and had to unfortunately settle for pizza. The walk back along the promenade via all the touts would not have been worth it.