The 'Stans - Bishkek to Almaty (20 August 2019)

I found the Almaty marshrutka far quicker than the Karakol marshrutka ordeal and prepared myself for the long journey ahead. 

Another morning, another journey to Bishkek bus station. This time with a couple of Dutch backpacker in tow. They jumped in my cab and we discussed our plans for the day. They were heading to Karakol, I was heading to Kazakshtan. I gave as many times as I could from my very brief, short spell in Karakol.

Not my image, but I had to include it. These are the marshrutkas in Central Asia. All white Mercedes vans with the locations written in Cyrillic. Two reasons why it can be hard to locate the van you need. 

After not too long we arrive at the Kyrgyz - Kazakh border. The van stops and everyone starts lumbering out of the van. We walk along the narrow pavement into the Kygyz side of the border. There are a number of rows to queue in, but before the guard rails its a bundle of Central Asian vying for space. 

A woman tried to walk through the crowds and a large shouting match begins in front of me. I wouldn't want to mess with the lady that called her out. This is all reminiscent of the Uzbek - Tajik border.

After I get my passport stamped on the Kyrgyz side, I walk to the Kazakh side and everything is much calmer and spacious. There are no issues and groups congregate outside in the petrol station, all waiting for their vans to clear customs.

Kazakhstan already feels different. Much more European and clearly far more affluent. Though I am judging this from only the petrol station forecourt I am currently standing in. The van arrives and we jump on heading to Almaty. The journey to Almaty is uneventful, travelling across motorways and vast open steppes. 

We finally arrive in Almaty, and unbeknown to me, where everything would start to go wrong. At this point I am starving and Maps.Me shows a burger king a one kilometer walk from the bus station. This is ideal. I can have my first western food for nearly four weeks and I can order a Yandex for the 7km journey to my hostel.

I make the walk to Burger King in the 40 degree afternoon heat, with my heavy rucksack on for good measure. I make it to Burger King, get fed and attempt to use the Wi-Fi - without Wi-Fi I have no Yandex to get me home. Alas, you need a Kazakh number to log into the Wi-Fi. Maps.Me (offline map remember), tells me that there is a shopping mall another 700 metres from the Burger King. Perfect. Every mall has Wi-Fi or at least a computer to use.

Once in the mall I spot a Gloria Jeans coffee shop. I check the open networks and there it is, Gloria Jeans Wi-Fi. I make my order and ask for the code, I'm sweating buckets now and probably bright pink too, the Kazakh barrister tole me that it was for employees only. I can't charm her into letting me use it, but she does suggest a couple of other places to try.

At this point, I turn my phone off and back on again. Something that I hadn't done for months probably. Disaster. The phone doesn't turn back on. It's totally and utterly dead. I take out my iPad, prior to leaving the UK I also downloaded Maps.Me onto it. Disaster again. I hadn't downloaded the Kazakh map so it was useless.

My situation was as follows: no phone, no wi-fi, no address for my hostel, no way of contacting the hostel and no idea of even the rough location of the hostel.

After trying various shops for Wi-Fi and having no luck. I head back to the bus station. I remembered someone offering a taxi when I disembarked the bus. So I walk the nearly 2km back to the bus station in the 40 degree heat and ask around for a taxi as the bus station. I'm almost totally ignored and someones just points to the road.

In Kazakhstan there are no official taxis. If you want a ride you stand by the side of the road, wait for a local to pull over and negotiate a ride if you happen to be going the same way. I stood at the road and stopped a couple of cars and uttered 'Almaty Backpackers'. Of course no one had a clue what I was saying or where this hostel was. It would be like someone stopping a random car in London and saying 'London backpackers'. I gave up on this idea and walked.

I just walked away from the bus station and into what looked like more of a city centre. Almaty is a huge city. Along the way I stop at every bar, restaurant and everything in between asking for Wi-Fi. There is a real lack of Wi-Fi in Almaty. What should have been the easiest and most European city to navigate was fast turning into a nightmate.

I walked alongside a park for a while and saw a bench. I looked around and thought to myself, 'I could sleep here'. That was plan B, but luckily it was still only 3 or 4pm which meant I still had a good few hours before desperation kicked in. My next plan was just to find any hotel and stay there. But there were no hotels at all.

I was on double figures of cafes and restaurants that I had entered. I saw another called 'Cappuccino'. I enjoy a cappuccino, so why not give it a try. I walked in, dumped my bag and asked for Wi-Fi. 'Da', or 'yes' in Russian. I didn't get my hopes up. The waiter logged me in, bought me a 2 litre bottle of water and a coffee. Success. Possibly the fastest Wi-Fi I've had throughout the 'Stans.

I log onto Yandex and try to order a cab. Disaster yet again. You need a phone number, any phone number, to order a taxi. At this point the waiter was helping me to translate the Russian Yandex site and gallantly offered to order me a Yandex using his app. What a hero.

The taxi arrived and off we went. The Yandex driver happened to be a lecturer at Almaty University. It was closed for the summer break so he was making a bit of extra money on the side. He spoke great English. We drove for 20 minutes, chatting about Kazakhstan, until he told me we were at the destination. We weren't.

At this point, close to giving up. My luck finally turned. The driver cancelled the trip and promised to get me to my location. He googled the hostel, found the actual address and off we set. The driver gave me lots of tips on Almaty and even gave me his number if I needed anything during my stay. This was the famous Central Asian hospitality that I had heard about.

I had finally made it to the hostel. I was delighted, yet also majorly annoyed, tired, dehydrated and hungry. 

To make matter worse the hostel was pretty sub-standard. It was a house, divided up into rooms. They had tried to run with the homely feel, but it felt more dumpy and just a little bit weird. In my room were two Kazakh kids (probably early 20's) who had been living in the hostel for a year whilst working in Almaty. They were nice enough, but not the vibe I had been looking for. And there was only one shower for over 10 people.

Not in the mood to venture too far away from the hostel after the ordeal of getting here, I managed to find a food market and took down two shwarmas. Finally I was in Almaty.